I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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