some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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