Who did Billy Mays play for?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
