They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
