Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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