i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
