just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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