you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
