I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize