You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
