You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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