So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
