She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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