after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Damn victory sex feels great
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
