SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
