I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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