The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We just shotgunned beers for America
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
