Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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