maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
