I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
