the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
