I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
