I could have mohawked her pubes.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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