Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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