You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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