They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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