I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
