I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
