She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
