i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
