How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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