and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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