I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
