Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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