New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
