What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
