He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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