I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you had me at cake vodka
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
