it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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