toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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