Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
