It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
