I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
