I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
