do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We need to get me chipped asap
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
