Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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