Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
