got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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