smell my finger.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
