??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
