So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
