if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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