Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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