just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
