I cannot find my penis.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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