i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
