after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
