Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
