i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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