Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
