i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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