I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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