You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
