Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
