I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
