A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
