I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
