Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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