Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
