You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
do nipples grow back?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
