I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
