if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
